i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
