just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
