I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
