We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
