I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
