Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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