I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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