Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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