3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there's paper in my vomit.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
