I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
