her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
