ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
