yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
