i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
