"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
