Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
