we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
