i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize