I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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