I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
