u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize