You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize