Can Purell be used as lube?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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