if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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