I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
