Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
