Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
