Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
