do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You took a bar mat shot.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
