sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If i come over, it means nothing
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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