Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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