If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
3pm strippers are depressing
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
