i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
