tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
