So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
