Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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