Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
