PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
