two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
