is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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