I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize