I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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