Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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