My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
