ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
