Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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