No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
