my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Randomize
