what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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