life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
