i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My bed smells like the plague
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