He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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