My friends, they love my intelligence
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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