Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i think im in europe. pls send help
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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