I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
