Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize