actually, I'm a sock model
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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