New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize