I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
