After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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