My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize