he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
