i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
