Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
