I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
