wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
