During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
