Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
