I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
