Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He shit in the fireplace
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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