i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize