he was CRYING into my vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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