oh god the rape fog is back!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
