At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Everything about him screamed your future.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
