I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
